"IT" Happened

My Mother is gone! Where is my mom? I need her to hold me on her lap. I need her to read to me. Who are these other women and people? Where are we? The vague thoughts I remember having. We were in 1 bedroom, My mother, older brother, myself and my baby brother. Meals were noisy and I felt very out of place. Never enough to eat. I was quiet, withdrawn and alone. Mother had to work out of the house and leave all of us children for the other mothers to raise. Many times, we were left with some of the older boys when the other mothers had things to do. We didn't see much of Mom until around dinner.

I remember the first time "it" happened. One of the other Mom's.. (We will call her "I") Was suppose to be watching us. She told us to stay in a bedroom with some of her older boys. I remember her saying to keep us in there till dinner was done. I don't remember too much about what we were doing but I think a TV was on and they were watching some kind of sport. I took no interest in it so I decided to fall asleep. There were 2 boys in the room and I remember one of them saying stay asleep. That's when "it" happened and when my childhood ended. I won't go into details as It's still to hard for me to voice or write down.

I was 3 years old. I look at my 3 year old and wonder how anyone, of any age, could do such things to such an innocent child. This went on for the next 8 years 2-4 times a week. It wasn't until My mother moved out of "that" house and into her own place, did it stop. I was 11 years old. That 8 years of my life is a blur.

The family dynamic was one where I knew if I told anyone, I would not be believed. It was later that year, after we moved out of the big house, before I told anyone. I was talking to one of my Step-sisters "A", as she stayed the night. I was curious if the same things happened to her. She then told my Step-father (Which I PRAYED she would do). 4 days later, my step-Father came to the house to talk to me about it. He told me that he already talked to his boys about it and said I was not to tell anyone. He would take care of it and tell my mother. Being young I believed him at his word and knew he would tell mom. Then the healing would start.

Months passed and nothing! No talk about any of it. I felt I would explode! I was taught to "honor thy father and thy mother". My acting father told me to not tell anyone, so I didn't.

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 Update 11-5-12
Praise to my God for removing this burden I had on my shoulders for so many years! My Lord and Savior took it all. He fixed what counseling and anything I tried to do for my myself to fix it.  I'm Free!!!