Baptism

The day had finally arrived!! June 3rd 1998! Brian and I were going to be entering the waters of baptism! One, to be cleansed of all of our sins and two, to become Members of the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter-Day Saints!

We didn't have many family members there but we did have LOTS of our Ward family attend! I didn't know what to expect as my first 2 experiences with baptism were empty. No feeling and no meaning. Empty shells. I wasn't looking for another because I know, in my heart, that this is where the Truth was. This is what I needed to do.. and to have my husband with me while we both were baptized this day was wonderful!! I didn't want to do this without him by my side!

The font was filled but it was too full so someone let the water out and walked away letting it almost completely empty. They had to fill it again but there was no more hot water. When I walked down into the water it was so cold. When the time came to be placed under the water and brought back up, I felt a cloak of warmth surround me as I walked out of the water. I didn't notice the cold anymore, all I felt was warmth and love. Walked up out of the faunt and went into the dressing room to get dressed. I cried! Tears of joy!

Elder Wirthlin

The day finally came for us 2 months later. We were asked to go and meet with one of the 12 apostles. We are actually going to go and speak with one of the 12 who will then decide if we will be approved to be baptized. It was Elder Wirthlin. Brian and I went to the building and waited in his receptionists room. The spirit in that room... in that building was wonderful. We basked in it!!

I was called to go into his office first. He motioned for me to sit in the chair and he went straight to the point and asked me "Why do you want to join the church?" Between the spirit in his office and the words that leaped my lips, I could not hold back the flood of emotions and tears! My answer? "Because the church is TRUE! I can't deny that, or will I ever deny it!" I was sobbing almost uncontrolled when he said. Good Answer! He shook my hand and said. "What an honor to have such a strong testimony! Welcome to the Church!" He escorted me out and motioned for Brian to enter.

While I was in the office Brian was talking to the receptionist. He asked if she was aware of the spirit in his office. She nodded and he asked if she ever gets use to it. She said that she guesses she does.

We left the offices totally on cloud 9! We then set our baptism date for June 3rd 1998.

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Update 11-9-12
A man, being chosen to decide whether or not we can be forgiven of our Sins and be baptized and become members of a church. I guess it makes sense because it is the church of Men... If it truly was Jesus Christs Church then Jesus would decide. 

Patience and Perseverance.

Our papers were placed on the desk of an apostle who was out of the country. Elder Wirthlin was in charge of all members wanting to join the church from backgrounds like ours. Becky W. called to try to find out our status as it was taking a very long time. Brian and I waited patiently.

We were attending church, loving the companionship and support from everyone. I was compiling a binder with all of the information I had found that helped me see the truth. Scripture references, Talks from both sides, letters as well as church archive time lines. It helped pass the time as well as helped me help my sister, Misty, and all of her questions.

The day told my family we were joining the church my sis had so many questions. She was so full of anger and resentment toward me and Brian. I don't know what mom was telling her about us but it couldn't have been good. I finally told her that I wasn't going to talk to her about any of it till she prayed for peace and understanding. The spirit of contention was so thick she wasn't going to listen to anything I told her. 3 days later she came over and told me she prayed and wanted to know what I know. Something told her she needed to join the church as well. She slowly came to the truth and joined the church. It was a long hard road for her. The church has a policy that requires the person being baptized to not be living with a parent with the background of ours. She was still living with mom at the young age of 14, wanted to be baptized more then anything and not being able to be. She hung though, stayed firm in her faith, went to church every week as well as all of her young women meetings and was finally given the yes to be baptized at 17 years old. What a wonderful day that was!!

Telling the family

We called Mom over to announce that we were joining the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Mom, Misty (Youngest sister from another father), Jason (Youngest Brother from another father) and Mark (Youngest brother from my Same father) attended. Mom didn't take it really well. In her mind, Brian and I were apostatizing. Misty was really confused and asked question after question.. But we will go into her story later.

I thought Mom was going to have a heart attack right there. She started rambling things off about how could we do such things. How she didn't teach her children right... etc... It wasn't till about a week later that she called to let us know that she prayed about us and said that she was given a confirmation that the Church is where Brian and I needed to be, at this time, to learn the "Fundamental Principles of the gospel" and then we would again Rejoin the "Priesthood" again. I didn't want to argue with her so we left it at that. We had no intentions of leaving to go back. Not with the knowledge and truths God had given us.

I don't remember how Brian's Mother (Who was still living in our basement at the time) took it. But Her Daughters Mary and Becky had already joined the church. Now it was Brian and I. We didn't tell many others because of what we saw Becky and Sam go though. We didn't wish to become targets in any way!

Missionaries, Church and Stake President!

We knew what we needed to do next! How do you get a hold of the missionaries? We are ready to start our conversion process! We started to go to church the next Sunday and started flying through the missionary discussions! Lesson on top of lesson! We had questions that they couldn't answer but were willing to find them with us.

We were raised to not partake of the Sacrament till you were baptized... so I was NOT going to partake till I was able to be baptized. That first Sunday came and I didn't partake. I watched Mothers give it to their children. Children not of age yet partake.. but I didn't and felt so very empty. That week I prayed, studied and asked questions. The next Sunday came around, I still had not been given an answer. I prayed about what I should do. When the bread came to me, it was a leap of faith. I Partook and was filled with so much warmth! It was the right thing! I had never felt this way after partaking. It was a new WONDERFUL feeling! Later that Sunday, a scripture that Christ said in Mathew 19:14 became even more clear in my mind and heart! "Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven." Why would he not permit the most precious and pure of us all to partake of his ordinances?

We talked with our bishop and asked questions he couldn't answer so he sent us to the Stake President. Some of those questions were about blacks and the priesthood, the garments that were given to us and the protection they provided, Authority, Adam God Doctrine/Theory.. and so much more! Not every question was answered that left peace and understanding. 

We were now preparing to join the church! The papers had been filled out in March and we were ready to be baptized! We still had a long wait ahead of us!

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Update 11-9-12
Here it is, yet again. Warmth followed by no clear knowledgeable answer.

The drive home

We stayed and talked with Becky W and her Husband for a little over an hour. We then headed home.

All the way home we talked about the church and what we needed to do next. In "The Group" we were given a garment to wear day and night. Brian has had some spiritual and Physical blessings connect to that piece of clothing. It has protected him physically from harm, more then once. How could those covenants he made to Heavenly Father be void and how could that garment that he now wore be untrue? It DID Protect him!

When we got home we put the 2 younger children to bed and talked more. The questions were what do we do with the garments we were given? We made covenants and were not about to brake them! I had already resolved in my mind what I needed to do.. But I wasn't going to do it alone. We needed to do this together! As Husband and Wife! He would go into the bedroom to pray for an answer and would then come out with nothing. He did this 3 times. I felt to say. "Sweetheart? Have you not been given the answer already today? You know where the authority is, right? Were we then not given this garment without the proper authority?" It was a leap of faith for him. He took off this garments and immediately felt at peace!

I can't even describe the joy, support, love and understand that came over me knowing we were now on the same path together! Not all of our questions were answered, yet, but we knew what was right, in our hearts!

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Update 11-9-12
.....and all of our questions would NEVER get answered... until we realized where the truth actually was! 

Missionary Fireside

Brian is asking more questions and I try to answer them from what I've been learning the last 2 weeks. What I don't know, I call My SIL Becky and ask her.

Becky W. invited us to a Missionary Fireside the next Sunday and I agreed to go. Brian was hesitant. Elder Iring was going to be the speaker.

That Sunday we went to Church at "The Building". Brian was on board enough to refuse the Sacrament that day. Chuck Todd, one of the Elders passing the Sacrament went out of his way and made his way from the front of the room all the way to the back, were we were, to offer us the Sacrament. When we refused, he knew we were leaving.

I remember a Woman getting up to speak. Her subject was about how Joseph Smith was reincarnated and came back as some other Prophet.. Brian and I had to leave early to make it to the Missionary fireside and didn't get to hear her conclusion OR the Prophet get up and correct her when she was through. When we left, I was more convinced that the group was not true!

We made our way to Becky W's Ward house near MillCreak Canyon in Salt Lake. We stopped at Becky's house and carpooled to the Stake Center. We went into the Chapel and sat down. As we waited Becky and I spoke some. About the time it was getting ready to start a white backdrop started to come down from the Ceiling. It was going to be a Film.

Brian was not amused!! We were expecting to get to "See" and "Hear" a Member of the "12 Apostles" speak to us in the same room. Why not? We were always privileged to have our "Prophet" at church with us every week! I was a little disappointed myself but that quickly passed. Brian on the other hand was not going to have any part of it. He looked around at the construction of the building. The beams, the ceiling walls and thought about how it was constructed during the film. He looked over at me and noticed I was sobbing. The message was wonderful, spiritual, peaceful! Enough to bring tears to my eyes (These days it didn't take much)

Brian started to kick himself. Telling himself what a Jerk he was being for not even trying! He then started to pray in his mind, asking if Owen A Allred held the Keys.....Nothing. No answer like always. He then asked WHO? Gordon Hinckly's name popped into his head. He didn't say anything to me.

The Fireside ended and we went back to Becky's house. Her husband and her brought out some refreshments. (Key lime Pie and a drink) and we sat down. Brian didn't. He started to pace... then asked, Who is Gordon Hinckley? When they told him he started to pace even more!! I don't remember exactly what he said but it was almost like "I don't want to be a Mormon! But the answer I received makes it hard for me to deny where I need to go now!"

2 Weeks!! It had only been 2 weeks from when I received my Testimony!! It was the Longest 2 Weeks of my entire life!!

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Update 11-9-12
Yet another example of Satan's deception. Names planted into someones mind.  Along with this he also received a "Burning" he said ".....from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet it was a woosh of warmth" Where is the Knowledge that should have accompanied that?

The Hug!

The mood in the house is cold and dark. We don't talk. We don't even meet eye to eye anymore. I'm again in my room reading and Brian is playing his RPG. (Role Playing game online)We are expecting the nurse. The nurse that is coming to give Brian a physical and take his blood for the Life insurance. The doorbell rings and I hear him get up and answer the door, so I stay in my room with the door closed. 10, or so minutes later the doorbell rings again. I figure he's busy with the nurse and go answer the door. It's the Nurse!! So, who's in the computer room with Brian?? I look around the nurse and see Becky's Suburban parked in the driveway....

I show the Nurse in to the Kitchen, walk down the hall and gently knock on the closed Computer room door. Brian opens it and I see his sister, Becky. I meet Becky's eyes with a questioning look. Brian heads to the Kitchen and I talk quietly with Becky.

Becky and Brian are Best siblings. Becky could not go another day with Brian hating her so she came over to try and make amends.

Brian gets through with his Physical and we sign the papers. Brian then goes back into the computer room with his sister and I went back to my room, and sat on the floor by the door.

What's going on in there!! 20 Minutes passed. I tried to read and tried to think of other things but I wanted so much to know what was going on in that room! Something told me that it was Okay to go in. When I opened the door I saw Brian Hugging his sister, Becky Crying and Brian...He looked different.

He told me later that He had a hard heart. He was Angry! Angry at Becky, Me.. and everyone who was tearing his life apart! He wasn't listening to anything Becky tried to tell him in the room. He just sat there.. Angry! I'm not sure what lead up to the hug when I walked in but Brian said he didn't want to be angry at his sister anymore and let go of some of it to hug her. When he hugged her he felt a warmth and a peace. He was also confused how he could feel such peace, from his sister who was on the road to "Apostasy".

Visiting the Church Archives.

Time lines! This was really weighing on my mind! The group was founded by a man named Lorin Woolley. He was the Man that told of a Story about John Taylor being told by the Lord and Joseph Smith to keep Plural Marriage alive. If it weren't for him, and his "Stories" there would be no Group.

Lorin tells of an 8 hour meeting where John Taylor reportedly told some men about his experience with the Lord. If that never happened then it was all a lie. I had to find out for myself. The only place I could go were the Church archives and read people journals on Microfiche. Find out where they were during this meeting. In every single Journal I read.. none of the men were at the meeting on that day... Many of them were counties away. In one journal Entry I read something about Lorin Woolley and they even gave him a Nick Name. "Noisy" Lorin Woolley seemed to have had an ego problem even in his early years. The Centerville Fifth Ward Elders Quorum minutes, for instance, reveal that Lonn was the first to speak at quorum meetings and frequently dominated discussion. His self-evaluation as "Noisy," a nickname he picked up in his childhood, confirms this. In other journal entries he was known as a Lier. At Lorins Church trial in 1924, which resulted in his excommunication on a charge of "pernicious falsehood" where he claimed Heber C Kimball and taken 5 other wives and sealed them to already married men after the Manifesto.

I'll stop right there. Way to much information, it's making my head hurt as well. Needless to say, I kept running into contradicting stories.

One of the biggest discoveries for myself, was about Joseph and Hyrum Smith. The "Group" has a story that Joseph and Hyrums bodies were exhumed, placed in new caskets and brought to the Salt Lake Valley then buried on Temple square by Brigham Young in the fall of 1848. Lorin Woolley also has an account where Joseph appeared to him and shook his hand as well as Charles Wilcken. Joseph also appeared to John Tayor at the 8 hour meeting to lay his hands on his head to set him apart.

What I found in the Archives left me in tears.. It was THEN that I knew it was all a lie! This information can now be found online but I also have a hard copy printed out with pictures. This is what I found:


http://www.shields-research.org/Books/Polygamy_Story/LDS-Funde_Polygamy_Story-c10.htm
That Joseph and Hyrum were not resurrected in 1886 may be further borne out by the fact that the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints exhumed their bodies in 1928. Samuel O. Bennion, then President of the East Central States Mission, with three others, upon hearing about the exhumation, drove from In dependence to Nauvoo, and they arrived just after the bodies had been disinterred. He wrote in a report to President Heber J. Grant:

Fred(rick) M. (Smith, President of the Reorganized Church) took me upstairs where they were photographing and taking measurements of the skulls of Joseph and Hyrum. I could hardly keep the tears back when I saw these men handling these skulls like they were just common ordinary skulls and I said to Fred M. Why don't you let the bodies of these men rest where they were, it seemed a terrible thing to disturb their graves. He answered me, by saying that he wanted to find out if the graves of these men were down by what was called the Spring House and rather evasively avoided my question, but told me that he did not know exactly where they were buried and he wanted to find out. It is my impression brethren that he had heard reports that Brigham Young took the bodies of Joseph and Hyrum to Utah and that he wanted to prove it untrue. He did not mention that but in an indirect way he did. I said to him "Didn't your father tell you where these bodies were laid?" And he answered "Yes." I told him his father had told me where they were and that I was convinced that they were there close to the foot of Emma Smith's grave.

The lowe-r jaw of Hyrum Smith is just as near like the pictures of Hyrum as it could be. His jaw was very large and was quite square especially at the chin compared with Joseph's. Joseph's jaw was more pointed, but Hyrum's was a little more square all around than Joseph's. These men must have been big because their lower jaws were extra large and strong.

The bullet that killed Hyrum entered into his face near the lower part of his nose on the right side and broke his upper jaw just above the teeth. The break shows very distinctly where the bullet entered the face, because the bone was broken and the bullet went in an upward direction right under the eye and came out on the other side of his head, just a little above his ear and toward the front.

If Joseph's and Hyrum's bodies were exhumed in 1928, we may logically assume that they had not previously been resurrected. We may confidently conclude with Brigham Young: "When Joseph is resurrected, you may find the linen that enshrouded his body, but you will not find his body in the grave.".

Here are some links for those that want to learn more about the "8 hour meeting", Fundamentalism, And just General Information about the subject.

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Update  11-9-12
Why ohh why didn't I choose to dig a little bit deeper? I now understand a little more why the Archive worker was nervous about the materials I was asking to view. Why didn't I look deeper?

Along the road.....

As I was reading the scriptures I was really focusing on D&C 132. I had a testimony of Plural Marriage so.. if I know it was true how could I not live it? I was reading it word for word, verse by verse and studying each word. I was praying for clarity as I read it. I started to understand that this was given to Joseph Smith, directly! These were his Promises. HIS Tests. HIS blessings! Again! I learned that the "Group" was taking the scriptures out of context. Thankfully, Brian started seeing it too.

There were a lot of people "Studying" at this time and leaving the "Group". A lot of other people were asking questions and none were getting answers. Brian was on board...kind of.. and went to one of these classes with me. He had his own questions he needed answered as well. At these classes.. One thing Brian and I both noticed how they never actually answer the question. They would tell a story about so-n-so and his experience and literally dance all around the question, never answering it.

I was struggling with blacks and the priesthood. How Children were allowed to partake of the sacrament before they were baptized. The changing of the Garments over time and many other teachings that didn't match the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The group claimed to have the same pattern of the Garments that Adam and Eve wore. My Sister in Law has someone in her new ward that knew someone that had Hyrums Garments. The ones he wore when he was shot and was going to be at her ward one evening. I had to see with my own eyes. They were Red long underwear. NOTHING like what the group had. NOTHING!

Over time and through reading the scriptures, mainly the book of Mormon, all of my questions were answered and I realized that the others didn't matter! We joke about worrying about which side of the gate the hinge is on. The gate still opens up. Does it matter which side the hinge is on?

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Update 11-9-12

After Joining the LDS church I still struggled with the fact that a Loving God would deny his own "Children" his priesthood because of a color. Was he really that racist?  What of the 2nd Article of Faith? We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression... Why are they then being punished for something their ancestors did?

I still struggled with the garment changes, Temple ordinance changes, Why the LDS didn't teach earlier doctrine if the "prophet" that spoke it said it was a fundamental principle and one couldn't make it to the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom without it? Then one day, it was wiped out, removed, and didn't matter.  And ohhhh, don't bring up Adam God, Polygamy, Blood Atonement, Joseph Smiths many wives..let alone his 14 year old Brides and the women that were married already. Brigham Young and his many wives... and why many of the Prophets still lived Polygamy even after the Manifesto. (Yes.. these questions, and more are what I asked my Bishops and Stake presidents till I was finally threatened by one of my Stake presidents that "If you purse this course, you will be filled with the spirit of the Devil and fall away from the Restoration.")

I had way to many questions without answers but I decided to instead bury my head in the sand after the last threat from my Stake President, and set it all on the shelf.


Any religion that can't handle some straight forward questions and be able to give some straight forward answers to those questions must have a very unstable foundation or have a lot to hide.

D&C Chapter 6

I raised my hopes way to high! High enough to have them crash down, leaving me questioning. Did I really feel what I did? Did I really hear what I did? Was it all a figment of my imagination? Was it what I really wanted? I'm comfortable where I am. Why do I want to cause myself all this pain and worry? It's easier to stay where we are with Brian. No more fighting or Cold greetings.

I voiced these words to my friend, Becky W. She hugged me and gave me some scriptures of encouragement. I don't remember what they were but I do know they helped me while I was struggling.

I went home and said a prayer for some comfort and strength. I then felt to let my scriptures fall open. After the pages fell open my eyes fell upon this scripture.

Doctrine and Covenants Chapter 6 Verses 21-23
21 Behold, I am Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I am the same that came unto mine own, and mine own received me not. I am the light which shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not.
22 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.
23 Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?

Again, an answer from my Heavenly Father to bring peace and strength back into my heart! Received the strength to hang on longer and be patient with Brian.

Out Of Context.

I miss my husband! How can I get him to see and FEEL what I do? We don't talk like we use to. He's so distant. Cold and angry would be the words I would describe him as. He wakes up, goes to work, comes home and plays his RPG Online game till bedtime. I'm so alone. I need someone to share my new found knowledge with. Someone who can understand and rejoice with me!

It was a rough week not being as close to my husband as I wanted to be. I was not going to move forward without him. I couldn't!!

He's preparing to loose me and the kids. In his mind we are leaving him to join the LDS church and I'm going to take our 2 children with me. He's at work, Framing an LDS chapel, Standing at the top of the trusses and contemplating jumping. He feels it's all over for him. What will there we left to live for?

He still feels he needs to take care of his children so he takes out some life insurance. Makes an appointment for a Nurse to come over for a Physical and start the ball rolling.

I remember sitting in our bedroom reading.. no... DRINKING in the scriptures. As bad as things were between Brian and I, I still had the scriptures to comfort me. I was reading in Moses and a verse I came across really hit me with a ton of bricks! Moses 6:57 "Wherefore teach it unto your children, that all men, everywhere, must repent, or they can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God, for no unclean thing can dwell there, or dwell in his presence; for, in the language of Adam, Man of Holiness is his name, and the name of his Only Begotten is the Son of Man, even Jesus Christ, a righteous Judge, who shall come in the meridian of time."

At this time, Donna, Bonnie and Alice, Our Sunday School teachers, were teaching that Adam is and was God. Quoting the scripture above. They believe that Adam is the God that created the Earth. I wasn't going to take anything for Granted anymore and questioned everything! Reading this scripture I realized, they were taking it out of context!

I called Brian in and had him read this verse. He said "Yes. Adam is God." I said "No, Read it again!" He read it again. Not putting the punctuation into consideration. I said "Hun, read it again. Punctuate!" He did. Read it and when a Coma came up he would say "Coma." Same with Periods. When he came to the spot that said "....for, in the language of Adam, Man of Holiness is his name, and the name of his Only Begotten is the Son of Man, even Jesus Christ,....." He read it over and over and I saw a light go on in his head! "In the LANGUAGE of Adam.... Man Of Holiness is his name. NOT Adam's name is Man of Holiness.. But in the LANGUAGE of Adam! They are teaching this out of context!!"

I had my first Brake through, but it was just the beginning!

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Update 11-9-12
I was questioning everything.. but not nearly as much as I should of. I was still hanging onto my "testimonies" that came through strong deceiving feelings. Had I truly been questioning "Everything" I would have looked into the foundation of the LDS Church. The true History and true Character or the man that started it all. I knew many of the things he did but I was so use to writing them off as "exceptions to the rule", "God required that of him", "It was his calling"..... and so many more. Why, OH WHY didn't I truly question everything?

The Fox's Den

One day I was talking with My Friend Becky W. It had been a week since I gained my Testimony. A VERY long week! Brian would not budge and it seemed like he was getting more and more angry! I had to be careful, because, Joanne was also a member of the "Group" and I couldn't afford for the word to get out about Brian and I. I didn't have the energy to fight anything other then Brian.

One day I pulled Becky aside to talk to her about the week. I looked at my life as being a baby Fox living in a hole. The adult Fox would teach us everything about life above ground and prepare us for a life underground. "Don't go up that ladder. There are hunters waiting to kill you. They have guns and knives and you'll be though the moment you stick your head out of that hole!"

I decided to stick my head out and see for myself. I didn't see what they said I would see. I saw green grass! Trees! Flowers! Blue Sky! I felt the warmth of the sun! A wonderful Breeze on my face! Exhilarating smells! There were no hunters! No one around anywhere to cause me any harm! How could someone teach such false things to their children!? I would scurry back down the hole and quietly share what I saw with very few people I trusted and try to get them to follow me.

Becky could see I was still staying strong but our situation with Brian was starting to drag me down. Her words of comfort were just what I needed!

New Road

Gordon Hinckley! Who is that??

After I dried my tears, blew my nose, gained my composure, I picked up the phone and called my Sister in Law, Becky. Told her I prayed about somethings and received an answer. "Who is Gordon Hinckley?" Her reply, "The President of the LDS Church."

I was silent for I don't know how long. Seconds probably but it felt like minutes. I then told her of my experience and started sobbing once again.. then said "Well, Becky... If He holds the Keys (Has the authority to perform all of the priesthood ordinances.), then I need to join the church!"

Sometime in our conversation she said "What about Brian?" I also thought about Brian. We had then been married for 4 years. Had 2 children and a home. If I went on to join the church right now, I would loose my husband! We had to get him to see what we did and gain a testimony like we did!

After receiving my Testimony about President Hinckley, that black cloud that was cast over my mind, was gone!! I read and understood the scriptures (Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price) for the first time. I literally drank them in! Loved every word in them and understood them.

(While growing up, the adults would always say that there were hidden messages in the scriptures and you needed to find those hidden messages and apply them to your life. I could never find them and got frustrated to the point where I didn't read the scriptures anymore. How could I read something I didn't understand.)

That day, when Brian came home. I was sitting at the counter reading the scriptures and other writings. The moment he came in the door I was super excited to share with him what I found! Read from the scriptures and showed him why!! He was overwhelmed and shocked to see his wife like this. I told him a little of my experience that day and what I found! I told him I was starting to question about the group being true. After that, he didn't want to talk about any of it. A wall was thrown up and I didn't know my husband anymore.

I started to go over to Becky's house to learn more so I could convince Brian of the Truth. I realized I gave him to much information that first day, he thought for sure he lost his wife to the church. I studied, learned and talked with Becky. Brian's Brother saw our van over there and told Brian that I was spending a lot of time there. Brian got really Angry!

Once a week, I would drive with a friend "Joanne" up to Mill Creek Canyon to clean a house. The owners of this house were good members of the church and one was a Member of the Tabernacle Choir. We will call her Becky W. I told her of my experience and she became a wonderful friend for me to rely on!

Prayers Answered!

I remember the day Brian came home and told me his sister, Becky, and Brother in law, Sam were "Studying". They were on the road to joining the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and were going to apostatize. The first thing I said was, "She's still my sister and I'm not going to shut them out, just because of that!" Brian agreed but I could tell he was worried about them.

Later that week, I was going to drive into Salt Lake and asked Becky if she wouldn't mind watching the kids. Knocked on her door to drop the kids off. Went into her home and started to get the kids ready. I noticed a very peaceful feeling in her home. I followed her into her bedroom and sat down on her bed, almost basking in the feeling when I asked her "So, Becky, what's going on?" That question was more loaded then I realized at the time.

Becky started telling me about what she discovered in her "studying". Who the founder of the "Group" was, and other information. The spirit being what it was in her home and the peace I felt.. confused me! How could someone have such a wonderful spirit about them yet be on the road to "hell"? I had to find out!

I went home and read though some material she gave me that I asked for. I wanted to help her realized what she was doing was wrong or find out for myself if what I was doing was wrong. I didn't understand the scriptures so I couldn't turn to them. Only the material she gave me to look over. To say I was overwhelmed would be an understatement. It was as if I had a black cloud covering my mind .. but I HAD to know! I didn't understand the writings, scriptures.. How was I going to get my answers?

I knelt down and prayed to my Father in Heaven! In my prayer I asked for peace, comfort and knowledge. I then asked him something I had never ask before... because I thought I knew how he felt about me. Disappointment, anger for my choices and disgust. The answer I received was overwhelming and unexpected!! I asked "Heavenly Father? Do you love me?" From that came a warmth I had never before felt! I felt warm arms physically wrap around me as if he himself was giving me a hug! The love that flowed though me was indescribable! I then asked, through my tears, "Am I doing the right thing? Do you approve of what I'm doing?" I then felt something touch under my chin and caused me to raise my head as if to look up. I felt so peaceful and knew I was doing what He wanted me to do! For the first time since I can remember, I KNEW Heavenly Father loved me! Knew me! Wanted me to be doing what I was doing at this very moment! The tears flowed freely and I was sobbing!

The next question I was almost hesitant to ask. I had asked it before with the same answer.. Nothing! But I had heaven opened to me right now! This very moment! Now would be the time to have it answered! "Heavenly Father, Does Owen A. Allred hold all the Keys of the priesthood!"................. The answer I received was like the last... NOTHING!! In my Frustration I reworded my question. I knew Heaven was close and was not going to give up. "Heavenly Father? Who Holds all of the Keys of the Priesthood?" This was one question I needed to know! What ever the answer was, Heavenly Father knew I would follow his will! My Mind was clear and this name came into it. Gordon Hinckley........

Who??

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Update 11-9-12
Feelings, warmth, peace, physical sensations, a name planted into my mind... all things Satan can use to deceive. All things the bible warns of without Biblical Knowledge from studying Gods Word. All things I was taught to look for to gain a spiritual testimony and know what was true through prayer. All of it DECEPTION!

 Some emotions we are told to control are:

Fear - 2 Timothy 1:7 (cf. Joshua 1:9; Revelation 2:10)
Anger - James 1:19,20 (cf. Proverbs 16:32; Matthew 5:22)
Hatred (1 John 3:15; 4:20)
Love (1 John 2:15-17; 1 Timothy 6:10; 2 Timothy 3:2-4)
Joy (1 Corinthians 13:6)
These emotions are not necessarily bad, but they can lead to serious error if we let them control us. If we cannot trust these emotions to guide us, how can we trust any emotions? How could we know which to trust and which not to trust?

The Bible specifically warns that the feelings of our hearts may lead us into error.

Jeremiah 17:9 - The heart is deceitful above all things and is exceedingly corrupt. Who can know it? Would God use something so unreliable to lead us to truth? [Matt. 15:18-20; Prov. 4:23]

Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way that seems right to man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. How can this be harmonized with the idea that "it can't be wrong if it feels so right"?

Proverbs 28:26 - He who trusts in his own heart is a fool. Why? Because the urgings of the heart are unreliable and often lead to error! Poets may say to "follow your heart." But the Bible confirms what we all really know: trusting your feelings can lead to tragic error.

Acts 26:9 - Saul of Tarsus really thought that he ought to do many things contrary to Jesus. He felt sure he was right. But he was really the chief of sinners (1 Timothy 1:12-15).

Jeremiah 10:23 - Proper guidance in how to live is not found inside man. It comes from outside man. Clearly we cannot expect to find assurance of truth in our feelings.

Emotions are neither good nor bad of themselves, but God never intended for them to guide us or to reveal what is good or bad. We should control them, not let them control us. They are followers, not leaders. To follow them is to get the "cart before the horse."

To believe that we can know right from wrong by praying for a feeling or by following our emotions is to pervert the purpose of feelings and to expose ourselves to all sorts of false practices.
(Study also Matthew 7:21-23 and 2 Corinthians 10:18.)

Married Life and blessings revealed!

Married life is great! After we married, we lived with my mother for the first 2 months. After that we moved out into our own apartment. I needed to be married to my husband and live alone. It was a challenge living with mom trying to control so much of our lives. All in the name of saving money for a future home. It wasn't worth my sanity.

While living in the Apartment in West Jordan, we found a plot of land in Riverton where we were going to build our first home. Corey was born in the Apartment and 3 months later we moved into the house!

I was so excited, then, Brian told me that his mother, 2 brothers and 1 sister were going to move in with us.. I was not excited. I was scared!! I had seen how relationships went when people moved in with others. I told Brian my fears and concerns. He said it would be good practice when he took on another wife. I would already be use to living with someone else. Took a deep breath and moved on. For the most part, things went well. To say I was completely comfortable all the time would be a lie but I learned to make the best of the situation handed to me. I had lived under worse circumstances before and this would be a cake walk....I hoped!

We had our moments,  but for the most part everything went well. I look back on the situation now and am so glad I had them living with us! Not sure how I could have raised my children while going through Postpartum depression for the length of time I was. Knowing there was usually someone home to fall back on if I needed to have a small brake from the children was a blessing.. I see, now!

Family Life

Loving married life! Hawaii (Oahu) was wonderful! We drove around the island and saw everything! Horseback ridding through the Dole Plantation, Snorkeling at Hanauma Bay, Went to the Polynesian Cultural Center. Visited many beaches including the Waikiki Aquarium, Hiked into Diamond Head and even spent some time in our hotel room burnt to a crisp.. Good times!

We got home July 4th and had a letter waiting for us from Own A Allred. Long drawn out story but we were not going to be married legally because we didn't want my sister wife to feel like she was any less important then the first wife was. Owen told us we needed to get it done legally so.. Legally we were married on July 5th 1994.

Not long after we were married We found out we were expecting our first child. Corey was born April 29th 1995 at 12:02 A.M. in our apartment in West Jordan. Morning sickness was awful! I got sick every day till he was born. I even got sick while I was in labor. I was so happy to be a mother but at the same time I was dealing with PPD (Postpartum Depression) I had no Idea it was normal and was not about to talk to anyone about the thoughts I was having.

Corey!


Not long after Corey's birth, I was sitting at the Kitchen Table, in our New home in Riverton, eating breakfast when I had this wave of nausea hit me. I thought for a second it was the flu coming on then thought. "I know this feeling!" I went right over to my midwifes home and we took a Pregnancy test. It was positive. Corey was 6 Months old and I was 3 months pregnant!! I cried for 3 days. I was not ready for another baby! It took some time to accept the pregnancy and by the time Cerena was born I was ready to be a mother of 2 children really close in age. Again, PPD set in. It was harder this time and took much longer to let up! (2 years)

Cerena!

Those 2 were the best of friends as they grew up!

We are living in the house that Brian built in Riverton with his mother and brothers, Jeremy and Jacob living in the basement and Sister Hannah in a bedroom upstairs. Life isn't without it'stress but I try, again to lay low and hope family life stays good. For the most part, it does.

Then.... Brians Sister and Brother-in-law start to Study!!

June 24-25th 1994

Our reception date was set for June 24th and then we were going to go through the "Endowment House" June 25th to take out our endowments and be married.

I stood in the kitchen area in the basement of "The Building" in curlers, preparing the refreshments for our reception. It gave me time to ponder and think.. do I really want to do this? The answer was always, YES!

The reception was simple, elegant and inexpensive! At the end we filled up our car with all the gifts and I headed back to my mothers home, in West Valley. I would have to drive back very early in the morning to attend the endowment session with Brian. Drove to Becky's house in Riverton to pick up Brian and we headed to Bluffdale.

We sat in a room for a while waiting for everyone else to show up. Then someone came in and gave a kind of speech then lead us back to the dressing rooms where we changed into our White clothing.

The message of the Endowment was a good message but as for "Feeling" anything... I didn't. No warmth, no uplifting sense of what we were doing was right. The best words I can use is a Beautiful Box.. with nothing in it.

The only part I felt anything while in there was while I was being married to Brian. We both cried!

Afterwords, we both got into the car and drove off together for the first time as Husband and Wife. We did some shopping together then spent our first time together in Sandy in a hotel.

The next day we attended church. Everyone kept asking what were we doing there?? Our flight to Hawaii didn't leave till the next morning.

We Believe Strongly.....

Brian and I were asked to write our testimonies down to give to the Priesthood before we could get married.

We were at a youth conference sitting on the back stairs and writing them down. Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, Baptism, Sacrament, Jesus Christs Atonement.... etc... then we came to Owen A Allred holding all the keys of the priesthood. We could not say we had a testimony of that. We tried but the best we could put down on the paper was "We believe strongly...." Neither one of us had a testimony of that so we could not say we did. That was our Truth! We chalked it up to "You're not ready for that yet" and moved on.

Besides... when we got married I'm SURE we would receive that testimony! Can we say.. empty shell... Again???

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Update 11-9-12
I feel to mention here, again, how we can't trust our Feelings when it comes to God. Feelings can deceive and Satan knows how to manipulate them.  We have been warned throughout the bible about this very thing. 

2 Corinthians 11:13-15

¹³ For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ.
¹⁴ And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light.
¹⁵ Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works.

Proverbs 28:26 He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered.

 Jeremiah 10:23  O Lord, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps.

 To know whether or not some teaching is true, we should search the Scriptures daily, not pray for an emotional experience.

 Acts 17:11These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.

Happy 18th Birthday!

It's April 1st 1994. My 18th Birthday! I'm now 18 years old! Wow!!

Mom hands me my gift. It's a letter from her telling me what a wonderful daughter I've been and how she wishes me such happiness in my future. She's never written letters to me before. 

Brian picks me up after my work day at OC Tanner. I had only been working there for a week. He takes me for a motor cycle ride many places. Canyons near Harriman and all over. I love our motorcycle trips together. Hugging him and holding as I feel the wind blowing around me. I try to put my hands in his coat pocket to warm them but he gently nudges them away. humm... Why?? I didn't think about it too much.

We talked  about our plans in life and everything. I loved our time together. That evening, we went to dinner at our favorite restaurant, Golden Tree in Riverton. Mom, baby sis Misty, Jason, Mark, John Llewellyn, Becky, Sam.. all were there. We had a wonderful dinner then Brian went into the back and brought out a cake. Lit the candles and everyone sang happy birthday.

After I make a wish and blow out the candles, Brian stands up, gets down on one knee and says "Be careful what your wish for. It just may come true!" He then pulls a ring box out of his pocket and says "Will you marry me?" I say yes and open the box. Nothing is in it! I look up at Brian and punch him in the arm and say "You Jerk!!" Keep in mind, it's April Fool day. Brian has never played an April Fools joke on me.. ever. So this one took the cake!

He then pulls out another ring from his other pocket and says "Just kidding!" I open it up and see the most beautiful ring and start to cry! He then places it on my finger and the tears really start to flow!

I can't believe it! after 4 years of the best Friendship I am now engaged to my Best Friend!