Saturday, July 31, 2010
I miss my husband! How can I get him to see and FEEL what I do? We don't talk like we use to. He's so distant. Cold and angry would be the words I would describe him as. He wakes up, goes to work, comes home and plays his RPG Online game till bedtime. I'm so alone. I need someone to share my new found knowledge with. Someone who can understand and rejoice with me!
It was a rough week not being as close to my husband as I wanted to be. I was not going to move forward without him. I couldn't!!
He's preparing to loose me and the kids. In his mind we are leaving him to join the LDS church and I'm going to take our 2 children with me. He's at work, Framing an LDS chapel, Standing at the top of the trusses and contemplating jumping. He feels it's all over for him. What will there we left to live for?
He still feels he needs to take care of his children so he takes out some life insurance. Makes an appointment for a Nurse to come over for a Physical and start the ball rolling.
I remember sitting in our bedroom reading.. no... DRINKING in the scriptures. As bad as things were between Brian and I, I still had the scriptures to comfort me. I was reading in Moses and a verse I came across really hit me with a ton of bricks! Moses 6:57 "Wherefore teach it unto your children, that all men, everywhere, must repent, or they can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God, for no unclean thing can dwell there, or dwell in his presence; for, in the language of Adam, Man of Holiness is his name, and the name of his Only Begotten is the Son of Man, even Jesus Christ, a righteous Judge, who shall come in the meridian of time."
At this time, Donna, Bonnie and Alice, Our Sunday School teachers, were teaching that Adam is and was God. Quoting the scripture above. They believe that Adam is the God that created the Earth. I wasn't going to take anything for Granted anymore and questioned everything! Reading this scripture I realized, they were taking it out of context!
I called Brian in and had him read this verse. He said "Yes. Adam is God." I said "No, Read it again!" He read it again. Not putting the punctuation into consideration. I said "Hun, read it again. Punctuate!" He did. Read it and when a Coma came up he would say "Coma." Same with Periods. When he came to the spot that said "....for, in the language of Adam, Man of Holiness is his name, and the name of his Only Begotten is the Son of Man, even Jesus Christ,....." He read it over and over and I saw a light go on in his head! "In the LANGUAGE of Adam.... Man Of Holiness is his name. NOT Adam's name is Man of Holiness.. But in the LANGUAGE of Adam! They are teaching this out of context!!"
I had my first Brake through, but it was just the beginning!
I was questioning everything.. but not nearly as much as I should of. I was still hanging onto my "testimonies" that came through strong deceiving feelings. Had I truly been questioning "Everything" I would have looked into the foundation of the LDS Church. The true History and true Character or the man that started it all. I knew many of the things he did but I was so use to writing them off as "exceptions to the rule", "God required that of him", "It was his calling"..... and so many more. Why, OH WHY didn't I truly question everything?